Life plus Drifting

There is snoring coming from the settee so therefore it is Saturday, lol. I sat here late last night, right through until 10 pm as I thought that sitting on the settee even with my added cushions where part of the problem with the pain in my spine, I wondered if it was possible that the harder higher seat might do less damage and allow more healing than the low soft settee, by using the past tense I know I have given away the result of that test, yet another broken straw. It seems as though I am having less and less success with my own attempts to fix things or maybe the it is just the pain getting to me a bit, but I am at more and more of a loss as to what to try next. I have again today just taken a couple of Ibuprofen as I tried them a couple of days ago and I think they helped a little. I keep trying as when I check on line the solution is to boost the meds by adding something simple, I don’t understand the chemistry behind it but it has to do with the drug combination, producing a higher pain relief, I have promised Adam that if I don’t have any significant relief by Monday, I will call the Doctor. I am you see quite sure that the pain from my pulled muscle in my back is healed, the pain I have now isn’t in the same place and is in reality the pelvic pain I have been struggling with for months now, just worse. I really expect him to say there isn’t anything he can do to help as he is so reluctant to up my meds and I am so reluctant to up them as well, but I can’t live like this for ever it is getting beyond silly.

I am not sure exactly how I am going to go about it but I have a hankering to do something different today, which with my vast array of things to do, comes down to spending most of the day playing computer games. I haven’t really played any for months so it might be some fun again. I have never been taken by the shoot-em-up games they just to be honest bore me but I do enjoy a good puzzle game, something that I have to think about and plan as I go along. I always thought that was why I enjoyed my work so much as all my days were basically spent working on big puzzles, then building software, which is another is another puzzle to be able to monitor and/or fix the situation. What wasn’t there there to keep an analytical, puzzle mad mind happy.

I have allowed my writing and twitter to take over much of my life lately and I am loving it but I think it will also do me good to take time out maybe every weekend to do something different. I suppose to be honest it has more to do with how much time I have more than anything, good days I have two to three hours to work on my book on a bad none. Everything in my life seems to be run by how my brain wants or doesn’t wants to work, so I have to accept that I have little control now over how well I manage anything on any given day. It is one of those things that has always made life with MS difficult as it is easy to make plans but impossible to know if you can actually carry them out. I am lucky with Adam on that point as he isn’t the type of person who likes to make set decisions about what is going to be done on this day or that, or even at what time, so my inability to stick to anything doesn’t bother him. I used to be the total opposite, I was totally the type of person who planned everything and got really wound up when or if it didn’t go totally to plan. I hated people being late for anything even by just a few minutes and I hated having to change anything I had planned. If someone had told me years ago that I would have learned to drift through not just one day but everyday, I would have told them they were mad, yet here I am drifting all the time and I don’t really care. I suspect that is one of the pluses of having brain damage, as it has removed that uptight to the rule side of me, which is a blessing, as otherwise I would be permanently wound up and in a state of frustration, now I just accept and get on with it. I was sure that like everything else in life, I would find a plus hiding in there somewhere.

I’ve hurt my back

At this second I am sitting here with a hot water bottle at the base of my spin, all I did was cross my legs and sudden pain!! Pain that isn’t gong away so I guess I some how pulled a muscle. In many ways it doesn’t surprise me as I thought things like this would of happened a long time ago as I thought that my lack of mobility would mean that the muscles that support my body would weaken, resulting in more pulled muscles and tendons. Not that I have read it or heard anyone say it but it just sounds a logical process to happen, maybe I have it all wrong, but yet again it is a pelvic pain. When I initially pulled it, the pain was one of those blinding moments of pain and yet again left me wondering how I felt it so badly despite my meds, all though it has lessens it is still really painful, walking around a little eases it, but well we all know my walking problems. It is silly little things like this that just add to the difficulties of life with illness, silly little accidents like this if I was fit and healthy, my response would have been to do gentle stretches and I would be wondering around doing things to keep it moving until it eased off. All I can do now is just sit and hope for the best, trying to move it gently but that isn’t easy really.

I am not sure why but I am not at my best today, I feel really strongly that I would like to go to bed it isn’t just I feel tired I actually feel ill, although I have taken my anti-nausea tablets I am feeling sick, but I am aware that I have discomfort right across my diaphragm area again so I am guessing that it is coming from my gallbladder, because of it I want to sit upright but that is hared because of my back. No win again. lol, Well I have to laugh at it, as it is ridicules if you think about it.

Last night I sat on the settee doing my best when I could reach them comfortably to massage the areas on my feet that I felt helped the other day. I couldn’t keep up the length of time massaging them but I did what I could and I once again found the areas where the pain was relieved just a couple of days ago was right back at the start, painful to touch even lightly. My intentions were to do this every evening as much as possible. I will see but I guess it is off the list tonight unless my back makes a dramatic improvement. Adam and I talked about it and have come up with a sort of plan, I am going to look on line to see if I can find a cheap wooden bead style of massage cover you used to be able to get for your car seat. I am not thinking of sitting on it, but I am wondering if I put it on top of a pillow and that way it will form to the shape of my foot. I think it is worth a try, well almost anything is worth trying if I can.