New Year nerves

I am sitting here with a glass of buck fizz, Oliver Twist on the TV and Adam snoring, it may be a New Year but somethings don’t change. lol. I woke briefly early this morning as I was in pain down my left side again, it was more I think to the strange position I was in, propped on the back of one hip as though I hadn’t actually had the energy to move fully onto my back as I normally do. I always go to sleep on my side then roll to my back and stay there for the rest of the night, I know this is a fact as there is no sign of movement in the sheets and if I have straightened my hair it is as straight as when I lay down the night before. I guess last night I got stuck part of the way and just gave up, but the result was that this morning I could hardly move, I was so stiff that it was a struggle to get out or to put my dressing gown on. I often wondered how I manage to sleep when clearly my body is in pain, you would think that I would wake because of it and not be able to sleep again, if I can’t deal with pain when a wake how can I when asleep?

For the past couple of days I have had really bad nerve pain, they are shooting in two directions at the same time but I am not sure where they start. The fly upwards to just behind my left ear and down to my finger tips, on occasions not making it that far and stopping just above my wrist. Nerve pains are so unpredictable and when they start they take days to calm down, I have never found a reason for them starting and each and everyone makes you cringe until it passes. They may well be short in the time they hang around, but the pain level is horrendous, add to that their unpredictability and you are left just waiting for the next for ever, stop thinking and bang there is another. It would be bad enough if it were just that one but I have also one sparking away to itself in my left leg, why is it always the left side of my body that causes me so many problems? The strangest thing about the pain in my leg is that I also feel sick with it and sort of dizzy, all the fun of having MS.

New years is all about looking to the future and making plans of what we wish would happen, I learned a long time ago that those wishes rarely come true and looking to far ahead doesn’t achieve anything, it’s like a weather forecast, the future is unknown. I also think that looking too far ahead would be depressing for anyone in my position. I really believe that taking life each day at a time is the best way, if I sat here making plans for next month or next year I know that my health would get in the way and disappointment would be the only real result. So today is it nothing more ahead just a day to be enjoyed and made the most of, who knows what will happen in an hour.

It has just touched 11:30 and although on any other day of the year I would still be leaving Adam to sleep, there is a tradition that on New Years day we have a cooked breakfast, one that on the surface sounds expensive but it’s not. I always make scrambled eggs with smoked salmon and croissants, buy salmon scraps and it all costs less than a pound, but is totally delicious. Traditions have to be held to even if it is several hours later than I would have liked it. Have a great New Year, breakfast is calling.

More Christmas

Last night Adams family came round for a couple of hours to swap their presents and ignore my wish for no presents. I know people find it a strangely hard thing to do, but it made me fell terrible as we just can’t afford to give anyone anything. So there are now presents sitting on the dinning table waiting to be opened when ever Adam gets out of bed. He briefly said good morning and rapidly went back to sleep, I cooked and had my breakfast as we always have a cooked breakfast on Christmas day and Adams is sitting in the fridge waiting for him, when he rises from his sleep to cook for himself. It is normal on Christmas day for me to drag him out of his bed so that we can open our presents together but without all the prep I would usually have put into today I don’t mind if he sleeps. I will sleep the afternoon out and then between us we will cook dinner as the planned check the times of all the bit’s never happened and as Adam doesn’t actually know what is there to be eaten today it will have to be a joint effort.

Since mid afternoon yesterday I have had a stitch, just like the ones I used to get as a child when I had been running too long, but unlike those, this one hasn’t given in and hasn’t gone completely at all. It eases off for a while and then returns, just as it was before when I move at all. I would be be fair to say that it starts slightly higher on my side than a normal stitch but other than that it’s a spasm that wont let go. This morning it has eased a little but has what I would describe as a threatening feeling, pain or not I am enjoying my usual Christmas treat, the thing that says this is not any other day as I am drinking Bucks Fizz. Alcohol in the morning can only mean it is Christmas or New Year. To call it Bucks Fizz is wrong as Champagne it’s not, just cheap Calva in it’s place, drinking on my own is normal as if I didn’t I would never taste alcohol ever as Adam stopped drinking years ago, drink was an all or nothing substance in his life and he chose nothing.

If you don’t have a large family around you Christmas is a strange time of year, apart from the tiny changes this could be any day of the year. Even the TV somehow has managed to be non Christmas this morning. Normally there are loads of feel good shows on, but if they are there I can’t find them. So I am quietly put my time to use on line as always, and hope you all are having a great day.