Spin off

Yesterday I had no choice in what I wanted to write about, when pain engulfs you like that there is no way to make you brain think of anything else. It is like you have moved into a bubble that excludes you from the rest of the world, even from the room you are sat in, and there you sit until it lets you go. Although my morning was terrible, but by the afternoon it had eased and although I had no strength or energy I was just so pleased that I could actually do the simplest things like breath without pain. I didn’t get all they way through the day without it as a milder period appeared at about 8:30, this time it started on my left side just below my ribs, being so tired I just went to bed with my blanket switched on. I lay there allowing the warmth to soak through me, I do find that it sometimes helps just as it did years ago with period pains. The good news is so far today there has been no pain! I made sure that my portion of porridge was on the small side, not tiny or anything silly like that but smaller than yesterday. I don’t know if it makes a difference but anything is worth a try. There is one thing that I can never get my head around and that is how can I be on such high doses of morphine, antispasmodics and nerve calming drugs and I can still be in that much pain? I really would have put it at around level 7 and 9 as there where peaks, the don’t last long and settle down quickly.

What I didn’t write about yesterday is what that pain does to everything else, like a lot of things they seem to trigger each other. As an example my balance was effected and walking was more interesting shall we say. I found that I was holding onto more things and being extremely careful when I had to cross and area where there was nothing to hold on to. Simple things like changing direction, become danger zones, you have to think about what you are doing and how you are doing it. The fatigue also travels through areas where there are no spasms. Apart from my balance being more out of line than normal, I also have to contend with the my leg muscles being heavy and sluggish, faster to tire and cooperating less and less in the process of getting me around. When typing I had to keep stopping and starting, as the muscles in my forearms just gave up, they don’t want to support or allow the movement of my hands and figures, so they gave in and stopped, forcing me to rest and wait until they were ready for the next few sentences. Sentences where another more than normal thing to deal with, clearly I was distracted by the pain and trying to write my other blog was impossible, I couldn’t make myself think of anything else but how my body was, there was an imagination and descriptive block, even on this blog I was very aware that the flow and the whole process wasn’t anywhere near normal.

We all know when you are ill that your whole body takes the toll, having a really bad cold can cause you to ache all over, well there is no difference when you have MS, something being wrong in one area, pulls down and upsets others. It is easy to look at the list of symptoms and see them as isolated, that you will have them at some point, on some occasions a few at a time, but the truth is you can have all of them and more. Yes I do mean more, not everything that happens are on those lists and by writing and others reading, I have that proof as I am constantly being told “I have that too”. Most who say that to me are relieved as they were wondering around thinking it was just them or it was something else, a new illness that they haven’t so far been diagnosed with. Well if you have MS, Fibro and all the other named conditions I have relax it isn’t just you!