The visit

Good morning world! don’t know why just felt like saying that. I am sat here at 9:30 in the morning all sorted for the day, hair done and everything, why? Simple, Teressa is on her way to spend the day with me. I haven’t seen her for two years, something that should change now that she is in the UK to stay but with all her settling into a new job, new city, new flat and organising a wedding she really hasn’t had a chance to take a long weekend and make the journey north. Today as you might be able to guess is going to be a day of silly girly talk and mother, daughter banter. I have often thought that calling myself a Mum really isn’t right as I have actually spent so little of her life with her, with her father taking her to New Zealand when she was 12 my Mother roll ended, it took me two years to find her, but even then such a long distance relationship has been difficult. It is only when I sit listening to my voice coming out of her mouth, that the similarities and my contribution to a wonderfully daughter is clear to me.

One of the things I really need to discuss with her today is the reasons she wanted so badly to return to the UK, I have been worrying probably wrongly, that she is back as she is worried by the distance between us due to my health. If she answers that it is homesickness for all her family in the UK then I will be content. I have this horrid niggle about her reasons and I really hope that I am wrong, I would hate to think that she through away her life in America just for me, as I have said to her many times, I am a big girl and I can look after myself, probably not totally true these days but true enough. I don’t know why but I have always had a problem with people doing anything on my accord, that includes everything that Adam now does for me, my independent streak is more than a mile wide and always has been. I have accepted now that Adam does what he does because he loves me and is happy to take over now I am not able myself, but it isn’t always easy to watch him doing the housework, something he has done piles of in the last few days, not because I asked him to but I think because he knows that if I was able bodied I would have done the same before she came to visit. I seem to find it harder to think that Teressa would be doing the same as I have never asked anything of her because I wanted her to have her life not mine.

I am going to keep this short today as I still have a couple of things I want to try and do, well it’s my place to add the final small things that will make me and her I hope, happy to be here. I expect tomorrows post will be a long one with lots of things to tell you. For today I have upped my painkillers so that I have enough peace to enjoy my day with her and by playing with another one that will hopefully keep me awake through out the whole day as well. This day has been long looked forward to and I want to enjoy all of it.

The Medics descend

If life was predictable then it would be boring, right? well I would really like some boredom right now. I had a call this morning as I expected from the District Nurse, I have a greed for her to come here on Monday to try the suppositories again as they worked better. I also agreed to my GP actually coming to my house mainly to examine my stomach, just to ensure there is nothing he can feel that could be possibly causing the problem with my bowels. He also wants to take a look at my right leg, I showed the nurse the other day that it is very swollen and even thought I have taken the diuretics, I am lying down for more than half the day and sit mainly leaning on my left side, it just doesn’t go back to normal. I also recieved a letter yesterday which I have already managed to loose to let me know someone is coming next week to see if they can improve the cushion I sit on, as the one I use now the gel has burst and it is uncomfortable. I think they will be here on Tuesday or Thursday, it doesn’t really matter as I am always here, so I can’t actually miss them can I.

So here I am suddenly with more medical people than I know how to put up with, descending on my suddenly. It is all a little over whelming to be honest. I suppose that it is good thing as I am long over due a checkup, there are loads of things that if I had been mobile, I would have been to see my GP and I haven’t. There is this strange little voice that keeps telling me that I shouldn’t call the Dr to come and see me, as I am wasting his time, the traveling back and forward for what is probably nothing of any importance. I think there has only been two occasions when calling a doctor to my home has felt right, once when Teressa was really ill as a baby, and being a first time Mum panicked at her temperature. The other was when I had pneumonia and landed up on oxygen in a hospital bed for a week, neither were wasting their time. Other than that I have always got their myself, either to the hospital or the surgery. I guess it is another part of my being independent, one of those steps of letting others help me when I need it. Still hard. At least I have a few days before he visits, so I have time to settle the idea in my head and possibly to make a list of the other things that bother me and I would like checked.

The stresses of this week is doing what stress does to anyone but with the added little nasty twists that MS can think up, although I had my meds increased just a couple of weeks ago I am once again in pain, especially as usual my legs. I could right at this minute curl up in bed and sleep for the rest of the day. I might just do that but I have to wait first for Adam to call in an hour, I can survive that I am sure.